Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Sound Mind

I've endured some of the most heart wrenching times of my life this year. I lost count of how many people I've lost this year. How many tears I've cried. How many times I have felt like just existing. 

This morning I am reminded of the scripture "Be still and know that I am God." This year I've tried to figure out how, even through the heartache and tears, I've been triumphant. I've tried to figure out how resilience became me. I've tried to understand how, even when I wanted so desperately lose my mind, I have been able to be still. 

My only explanation is, there's truly someone greater than myself sustaining me. I once battled with anxiety and depression. Every time something traumatic happened in my life I'd fall apart completely. This year, I was different. I withstood and am withstanding the changes occurring in my life. It's been so surreal that not falling apart almost scared me.

The greatest lesson I have learned this year is to be still and have faith. I have learned not to make myself believe I can change every situation. I've found that serenity that we were taught to pray for as children. Changing the things I can and having the wisdom to know when I can not change things. Trusting in the thought that everything, absolutely everything, happens for a reason. Even the things we can not fathom and imagine.

Looking forward, I now know that the testing of my trials worketh patience and that patience worketh hope. I have learned to be hopeful even when no way looks up. All because I have endured when I had a CHOICE to lie down and die. I will be still, for you are with me.

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